The common appearance to man is perfection. When that common appearance changes to imperfection we seek help to bring it back to perfection. This is where the first decision comes into play. What kind of help do you seek? Conventional wisdom personified by the medical system, spiritual help through prayer and seeking God whatever he is to you, or what we have come to call alternative medicine which includes everything from vitamins, herbs, massage, cleansing in various forms to a myriad of procedures. There are choices. Many, many choices. The situation changes when you are led to believe there is only one choice. Not so. Look into all of them and give them equal attention. Read books. There are many books out there on every condition. Find your experts and go to the library or purchase your books, but read, read, read everything you can get your hands on now. Everyone must make the decision for themselves because each method has it’s successes and failures. But I do encourage you to research, study success rates, do background checks on physicians or practitioners of any sort that may be attending to you or your loved ones. Do not accept anyone’s word until you are satisfied that you understand the practices and success rates of those practices, and of the hospitals/clinics you will be frequenting. This is the foundation of sound decisions which will be the peace of tomorrow. It is what helps you live with yourself and your loved one no matter the outcome. Too many people are duped into thinking there is only one right way to do these things and that is just not true. One of the treatments we found helpful for my husband was acupuncture to help with pain and swelling. It helped him to cut back on pain killers, but it certainly was not recommended to us by anyone in conventional medicine. That is why you must do your homework. There is much to be done and it can be confusing. Go online and use your favorite search engine. Put in the name of the disease, condition etc., and ask for the best treatments. You will come back with thousands of possibilities. Put in your doctor’s name or your hospital and ask for success rates. Take nothing for granted. This is your life. Treat it with the utmost respect.
Monthly Archives: February 2010
Evenings
In the evenings when you’re alone you think of a lot of things you wish you had done in your life. You think about people you lost touch with. You think about people you love and haven’t seen for a long time. You think about lost opportunity and couldabeens, shouldabeens, and your favorite wouldabeens. If you just hadn’t done this or that, than that would have happened, or if you had done this instead of that the whole world would have changed, but in fact, you didn’t. You did what you did. The choice was made, the die was cast and the world went the way it did and you can’t change it no matter what. So, let’s stop spinning our tires as my husband would say, and let’s get back into a positive mode again. It’s beneficial and even a little fun to enter that world of what if, but if you stay too long it cripples you and you can ‘t find your ticket to get back to the strong positive spot that we need to be in to survive. So, tonight I tell myself and share with you, my ticket is in my hand and I am heading back to today after an all day visit to coulda, shoulda, woulda. Boy, it is good to be back. Even though I have to live with things the way they are today and they are the result of the choices I have made, good or bad, it is still my starting point for tomorrow. Now I have what I need to move on and try to put my life back together. The next time I visit that place I won’t stay so long. It is much better to deal with reality today.
The Beginning of the End
One of the purposes of this blog site was to share experiences that so many of us have had with the American medical system, good and bad. But before we got into that part of the conversation I wanted to lay a foundation for my and my family’s experiences by sharing a little about my husband’s passing and what it has meant to us. That is the reason for the blogs that begin with the one named “Beginnings”. There are so many things I have learned in this short period of time I call a crash course in life/death that I would have never known before. Even though I had lost people in my life such as wonderful grandparents, my sweet and beautiful niece, my gentle and caring Daddy, my father-in-law with the best sense of humor, none of these prepared me for my husband’s passing. Forty four years is a long time of “sunrise, sunset” and it is difficult to continue as so many people know. But we have lots of reasons to go on and they would want us to do so. So, here are some of our experiences and I hope you will join in with yours to be able to unload some of what you are carrying around. It helps to lighten the load.
I will start by saying this is the last thing we would have expected at this time because Kenny was such a healthy person during his life. The only thing that ever gave him trouble was his back from years of lifting and a hip injury from being kicked by a horse. When we both were contacted by phone one autumn day to be informed that he had cancer, we were shocked. We were especially shocked when my husband, who was in the middle of his work day at our auto repair shop, was told bluntly “you have cancer,” with no preparation and the follow up was, “ I made an appointment for you at so and so, please be there.” He was devastated and had to find a quiet place to deal with the news alone. And to me they said, “I need to make an appointment for your husband’s carcinoma.” I said, “there must be some mistake, he doesn’t have anything like that we don’t need an appointment.” They assured me he did. That was our introduction to the world we were about to enter. And it was strangely appropriate for what would follow.
The next step was the appointments where we were given the full picture of his condition. Only there was disagreement over the severity of the cancer. We were dealing with a team of surgeons and the first one told us it would be a simple surgery and that the cancer was not serious. He wouldn’t even need radiation or chemo. We left greatly relieved and telling each other this was something we could deal with. We contacted family members that were waiting by their phones to see what we learned. Celebrations!! We can do this!
That brings us to the second part of the surgical team who was not so encouraging and literally shocked us right out of our seats by saying, “well this cancer may have spread and we will end up taking several inches of bone and cutting bone out of a different part of your body to replace it and it will take you months to recover, maybe chemo and radiation.” What? That is not the other surgeon said. “Oh, don’t worry! You’re a big strong man, you’ll come through this just fine. Just leave it to us.”
Our biggest mistake at this point was in not seeking a second, third and even fourth opinion. The ending might have been completely different if we had.
Many people have gone to other physicians after their first devastating opinion was given to them and were given different diagnoses altogether, or the same diagnoses with alternative treatments which were quite successful. My advice to anyone in this situation is don’t be afraid to ask questions, seek multiple opinions, and look into alternative methods. There are many, many kinds that are very successful. As you can see we were not given any credibility as knowing what was best for us, or being intelligent enough to have an opinion that mattered. Should anyone find themselves in this situation or a similar one, you be in control of your life and your treatments. Don’t be steamrolled!
More later.
Look to the Creator
Another new day has come, and with it fresh experiences. And even though we don’t like to think of a loved one’s passing as being the predecessor of positive change, it certainly can be. Because we are grieving we feel the one who is missing demands sadness. Not so! Healthy changes, painful changes are all part of a balanced life. Everything happens for a reason, nothing is unplanned in the universe. And so we wait, sometimes nervous because we fear change, and sometimes with joy because we are so ready to launch. And the universe pauses with breathless anticipation, anxious for us to come home and join with the Power that created All and is All.
That brings us to this moment, the one that is waiting to be molded by you.
Look to the Creator, to the stars and find the moment.